BIGFEET Vs THE IDIOTS

By John and Aunty Marg

Newsreader:

30 bigfeet have entered London and need to be removed asap. A task force of the senior DPW members have gathered to decide how to remove them safely. Unfortunately they are idiots and chaos ensues!

INTRO

Jessica: everyone we need to do something! 30 bigfeet have entered London. We need to do something about it!

Tom: I KNOW!

Jessica: what?

Tom: we set a trap for a bigfoot using a big cage and put a cheese pasty under it?

Jimmy: No we're not doing that again, we've done that before. Remember last time when Bill got stuck under the cage?

Tom: well I'd like to see you come up with a better idea Jim!

Jessica: Boys boys calm it! We don't have time to argue. We need to do something now remember?

Bill: I've got ten cheese pasties so we could try that idea.

Jimmy: fine we'll give it a shot. Come on guys let's go!

A NEW PROBLEM

Newsreader: An update on the London bigfoot situation. So far ten bigfoot have been captured in cages by the DPW last night. 6 bigfeet broke into Gregg’s and stole all the cheese pasties.

LAB PARTNERS 1

Jessica: Welcome back to our second meeting.

Lily: Sorry I'm late guys, I was stuck in traffic. I also work for the DPW as a scientist but wasn’t here for the first meeting.

Jessica: You’ve missed a lot.

Lily: I was working on an important project. Let’s go the lab guys.

Bill: How come we need to go to the lab.

Jessica: Shut up bill! You don't need to know that yet!

Lily: Stop arguing! We need to go now!

Tom: Lily’s right come on let’s go.

AT THE LAB

Beep : access granted

Lily: We have really high security here at the lab, so no one can break in.

Bill: But why does it need to be high security?

Lily: Because of what I’m about to show you Tom.

Jessica: Show what?

Lily: This! ..... We call it Gas 70998, it’s the first gas to be used against bigfoot and makes them run away.

LAB PARTNERS 2

Alarm noise!

Jessica: Lily what’s that?

Lily: I’ll ask security……. Bob what happened!!?

Bob: Some of the gas has leaked, I think someone must have stolen some!

Lily: We need to find some evidence of who stole it.

Tom: is that a footprint on the floor? It must be a bigfoot footprint. We need to get on the road and go after them.

Jessica: There’s a car outside we can borrow / steal. Let’s go!

A Dusty Road Trip

Jessica: Hang on, who knows how to drive?

Bill: I do!

Jessica: OK then get in the front and stop messing around.

Strange engine and skidding noises…

Jessica: Bill watch where you are going you nearly hit that car! Bill I thought you knew how to drive!

Bill: Sorry but I can’t find the gear lever anywhere.

Jessica: That’s because this car is an automatic!

Bill: Ohhhh! That’s why I was having problems.

Tom: Are we there yet?

Jessica: Thank you for asking but we haven’t left the street yet.

Tom: Goodness this car is slow!

Jessica: I think the problem with this car is Bill.

Bill: Hey! Im just used to manual cars!

Everyone (not Bill): Yeah yeah, you have told us a thousand times.

Jessica: You were just as bad with a manual.

Car starts to make a loud rududududududdu noise.

Tom: What’s that noise!?

Bill: I may need to fill up the tank with petrol.

Jessica: It’s a diesel engine, Bill!

Bill: Yep. That’s what I meant.

The car rolls to a stand still just as it pulls into a petrol station.

Bill: What a stroke of luck!

Tom: Maybe next time don’t rely on luck just fill the tank up before we set off!

Bill fills car up and goes off to pay for it.

Jessica: Do you think someone else should take over with driving the car?

Lilly suddenly sits up in the back of the car.

Tom: AAAAAAAAAH! OMG

Jessica: OMG Lilly you scared us. We didn’t realise you were there! Lilly: Good to know you missed me. I fell asleep. Did you not wonder where I was? I was in the car when we left.

Tom: Were you? I don’t think you were.

Lilly: Yes!!

Jessica: Never mind. Here comes Bill and what is he holding?

Bill approaches the car with armfuls of food that he has already started to eat and bottles of pop.

Bill: dfoogh ghou wannn achy?

Jessica: What?

Bill: I sshhaid do you whhhanch any?

Tom: Eeuuuurgh Bill stop talking you’re spitting crisps on us all.

Bill finally stops stuffing his face and pays for the diesel.

Bill: Hang on, why is Tom in the driving seat? I should be the driver.

Tom: Yeah but you nearly crashed ten times.

Bill: Oh yeah! Fair point, maybe you will be safer.

Jessica: Well stop arguing and get into the car or we’ll leave without you.